Relationships are complicated. We’ve all been through seasons where we’ve loved deeply, been hurt profoundly, and wondered what role we’re meant to play in someone else’s life. Echoes from the darker corners of my human experience have brought me to this conclusion: “Love me, respect me, or fear me. If you cannot, then hate me. We have no relationship.” It sounds harsh at first, but let’s unpack it through the lens of faith.
As Christians, we believe that relationships are sacred—they are not just emotional or social constructs, but spiritual connections that reflect the heart of God. The Bible teaches us that love is the foundation of all things:
“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” —1 Corinthians 13:13
But love isn’t just romance or affection. It’s sacrificial. It’s patient, kind, and forgiving. It honors boundaries and seeks the best for the other, even at a cost. That kind of love demands respect.
I Respect That
My wife is a vegetarian—but she didn’t start out that way. When we first began dating, she ate meat like I did. Then one day, she had an experience that changed her perspective, and she chose to become a vegetarian. At first, I didn’t fully understand it. Honestly, I thought it might just be a phase.
But after we got married, I became the cook in our home. For more than 30 years, I’ve made dinner for our family every single night. And in all that time, I’ve never once grilled a plate full of meat, set it on the table, and expected her to fend for herself.
Because I love her. Because I respect her. And because her beliefs matter to me.
Every meal I’ve ever made has included something thoughtful, something she could enjoy—something that honors her choices. Not once have I served a dinner that left her out. That’s what respect looks like in action. That’s what love does.
But love and respect may be mutually exclusive. If someone cannot love you, they must at least respect who you are, what you believe, and where your boundaries lie. But for a relationship to thrive, there must be love AND respect.
Jesus loved unconditionally, yet even He walked away from those who mocked or disrespected His mission. Respect isn’t optional in love—it’s essential. Without respect, love is hollow. Without love, respect is cold.
Fear Me, or Hate Me
The phrase “fear me” may raise eyebrows. We’re not called to be feared in the way the world defines it—through intimidation or power. But sometimes, when love and respect are absent, others may only react to your boundaries with fear. It’s not the kind of fear we seek, but a recognition that you will not tolerate a lack of respect. And that’s okay.
Jesus Himself said:
“Do not give dogs what is holy; and do not throw your pearls before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you.” —Matthew 7:6
Boundaries are biblical. If someone cannot love you or respect you, then let them go. Their hate may be painful, but it is clarity. There is no relationship where dishonor rules.
Or in the word of Christ:
“If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.” (Luke 14:26)
No Relationship Is Better Than a Negative One
Jesus was not afraid to call out hypocrisy. He was not afraid to walk away. He knew that some relationships are not based on love, but control or manipulation. Such was the case with Judas. Judas beleived that if he betrayed Jesus with a kiss, it would force Jesus to rise up in violence against the Jews and the Romans, to become the Davidic Messiah of the prophets.
But if someone cannot love you, or cannot respect you, or at least fear the consequences of your disapproval of their choices, then they are not actually in relationship with you—they’re in relationship to what they can personally gain..
A Final Word
Christian relationships are rooted in mutual love, respect, and the spirit of Christ. Not every relationship will be perfect. Not every relationship will survive. But human worth and dignity is not negotiable, especially if it was redeemed at the Cross.
One of my favorite preachers is Leo Giovannetti from Mission Valley Christian Fellowship. Many years ago, he conveyed a heartbreaking story of his own family. Leo and his wife Sandra had raised their children to know and follow Christ. But after one year in a secular university, their son returned home, renounced any belief in God, and had completely given himself over to homosexuality.
1 Corinthians 5:9-13 instructs believers not to associate with those who claim to be believers but are practicing sexual immorality, greed, idolatry, abusive language, drunkenness, or fraud. In keeping with scripture, Pastor Leo made the incredibly difficult decision to break all fellowship with his son. This is not to deny them as children. But this is to disassociate that which is holy from that which is not. After all, what fellowship does light have with darkness?
Like everyone, I have my own personal spiritual battles to fight, but, everyday, I lay my head on my pillow and ask if I made God smile today, or did I bring Him to tears because of my selfishness. It is my deepest desire to honor God in everything I think, say, and do. So yes, love me, respect me, or fear me. If you cannot, then we are not truly connected. And that’s okay. You can hate me.